Hope in the Unexpected (Liz Privat)

My dad celebrating my acceptance to Washington University

My dad celebrating my acceptance to Washington University

“But Christ is faithful over God’s house as a son. And we are his house, if indeed we hold fast our confidence [in Jesus] and the hope of which we boast.” (Hebrews 3:6)

Most people don’t believe me when I say that I don’t remember applying to Washington University. I had applied to a number of law schools, and apparently Washington University was one of them. I heard nothing. Then one day, scrolling through my junk emails, I saw that a month before Washington University had invited me to interview. It was the only law school that had answered, and here I was nearly missing an opportunity of a lifetime due to the woes of technology. By grace I opened my email just in time to reserve the last open interview slot before the holidays. My acceptance soon followed.

I had been praying for God to let his will be done in my life, and I was trying to surrender my future fully and completely into his hands. But this still felt like a stretch. I attended middle school in New York City in a refurbished juvenile detention center at the epicenter of the war on drugs. My high school was in one of the worst school districts in the city. When I received my acceptance to Washington University, I had no money, no guidance, and no clue of whether I was prepared for law school. I knew that the only way I could make it from that beginning to the lush green quad and pristine classrooms of Washington University was through Jesus.

I learned I had received a scholarship on the same day that learned my dad (technically my step-dad, but in all other ways my dad) would be free after 38 years in prison. We’d been fighting together for his release for three years. His parole—my first victory as a legal advocate—came on the same day that financial aid arrived for me to attend law school. God was in the details. He granted me admission to a school that seemed well beyond my reach, gave me provision so that I wouldn’t miss this opportunity, and provided the peace that I needed to feel comfortable enough to leave my family in New York City and travel over 1,000 miles away.

One might think that after all those miracles, law school would be smooth sailing compared to the struggles I had left behind. It wasn’t so. Law school presented a whole new set of challenges beyond the expected academic rigor. Spiritual battles became more challenging and more frequent. Depression, anxiety, homesickness, and imposter syndrome plagued me through the first few months. In addition to my inner battles, adjusting to the culture of St. Louis was one of the hardest transitions I’ve ever confronted. Racism, poverty, and limited mobility as a non-driver all seemed magnified in this place.

Then God revealed to me that a quality legal education wasn’t the only reason he sent me to St. Louis. His purpose was to remove me from where I was most comfortable so that I had no choice but to seek his face for peace and reassurance. This journey would bring me closer to God in ways that would have never been possible had I stayed home in New York.

It began with a bike ride to the post office. Waiting in line, I heard the sweet sound of gospel music filling the space. I asked the woman at the register, “Where do you worship?” I had come to God by reading the Bible on my own, but I didn’t yet have a church. She answered with a smile and promised me that when she returned from a trip, she would take me to hers. Weeks went by and the crumbly business card she gave me sifted down somewhere in one of my countless satchels. I forgot all about her. Then one day, when again I was calling out to God for help, he whispered her name in my ears. By his grace, I found her contact information and texted her right away. She replied, “I’ll pick you up this Sunday!” 

That one unexpected encounter led to a whole new set of experiences. It led me to my church home. It led to my getting baptized. It fostered a mother-daughter bond that could never be broken. And it built a deeper relationship with God and a new confidence in my identity in Christ.

So, as I face yet another unexpected disruption with the public health crisis and an uncertain fall semester, a few thoughts come to mind:

God placed me in a city I didn’t expect.
He presented challenges I didn’t expect.
He presented solutions I didn’t expect.
And through each of these stages, he grew me in ways that I didn’t expect.

As we all navigate through these times and I reflect on my journey to and through law school, I find comfort in knowing that God is and always has been constant in his faithfulness.

Liz Privat is part of The Carver Project’s law student reading group, a second-year law student at Washington University School of Law, and a teaching assistant for John Inazu and Penina Laker’s first-year course, Law, Race, and Design.

 

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